


Unconditionally

by TheWhoufflePrincess



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Human, Domestic, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Teen Angst, tenrose later, whouffle
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-24
Updated: 2018-03-04
Packaged: 2019-01-04 17:04:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12173121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheWhoufflePrincess/pseuds/TheWhoufflePrincess
Summary: How far would you go for me, Clara Oswald?[Updates come at random]





	1. Swings

**Author's Note:**

> a short first chapter of a slightly complex domestic AU I actually hope I finish. enjoy!

_Chapter 1: Swings_

_first encounters, the feeling of not being alone, and a piece of paper_

* * *

 She was perfect for him. That was just how it was, the Doctor, also known as John Smith the Eleventh, had decided. Clara Oswald, the girl that showed him there was so much more to life. The girl that had showed him what happened when you let your demons control you. The girl that took the greatest lengths to save him. The girl who he never thought he would have a future with due to every obstacle in his way. 

The girl that loved him unconditionally to no end.

And this is how the Doctor met her.

* * *

The Doctor didn't like going to the playground. His brother, Ten, (also named John Smith, but was the tenth) liked it because it was the time he got to read or do something without Tara, their adoptive mother that was just a bit too overprotective for his liking. But the Doctor had nothing. He liked books, but he could never really find one that interested him. He liked playing, but when you were alone and your brother didn't want to play with you, it would become mundane to run around by yourself. There was nothing to do, in his opinion. Now, as a six year old boy, he shouldn't have really cared and had enjoyed the time he got in the playground like any other normal boy, but he wasn't normal; at least, his first few years of life didn't have the love he should have gotten.

His father and mother had ran off into the sunset when the Doctor was only five while Ten was seven. The two irresponsible partners in crime had left the Doctor and Ten at home, with little to no food and hardly any instructions of how to live life. Ten had to call their godmother, Tara, with some difficulty, to save them. She did, thankfully, and now the two were stuck against the world with her. It wasn't that bad, it was just...different, the Doctor supposed. He didn't really remember his parent's faces all that well, but he knew that there was a hole in him that was born from their disappearance. He was so used to where he was before, but now, living here...it wasn't at all the same. Ten was the only bit of home he had left and Ten wasn't quite the type to really be the supportive brother, as Ten himself didn't know what to do either. It was all too much for the Doctor, really. 

The Doctor sighed as he swung alone, deciding to look at the sand on the floor to change his thoughts to be happier. But that's just not how it goes. He couldn't just think of happy thoughts when there were none to begin with. He was starting to give up, thinking life was really meaningless, when he heard a voice. It was slightly high pitched, but not quite to the point to be irritating.

"Can I swing with you?" The Doctor looked up to find a young girl with long pigtails that stopped at her inline. She wore a dark blue coat and black leggings, her eyes the most beautiful shade of brown that the Doctor had ever seen. He nodded silently as he ceased the movement of his swing and she smiled, her dimples showing prominently when she jumped onto the swing beside him. "My name is Clara Oswald, what's yours?" Clara. The name sounded beautiful in his mind.

"I'm the Doctor." Clara looked at him as she swung lightly. He looked back, anticipating laughter from her. She was only looking at him in curiosity, not in judgement.

"Why the Doctor? Do you have a degree?" She was smart. Most kids their age had no idea what a degree was. The Doctor looked at her with interest.

"Why do I need a degree to be called one?" He challenged and Clara pursed her lips.

"That's what my daddy said," Clara continued, "Or else people won't take you seriously."

"I want to help people. Isn't that enough to be called a doctor?" He responded simply. He must sound strange, but if Clara thought that, she didn't show it.

"That's nice of you." Clara responded, "Nobody wants to help anyone nowadays." 

"That's why I want to be the Doctor, rather than boring John Smith." He responded and Clara smiled.

"John Smith isn't boring." Clara said. The Doctor looked at her, raising an eyebrow.

"It is! The most boring name in all of the universe. My dad wanted to curse me with his terrible name." Clara stopped swinging and raised her hands in defense. 

"Alright, I won't, Doctor," she paused for a moment, then a light bulb seemed to flicker in her head, "Can I be your nurse?" Clara asked, "Every Doctor needs a nurse." The Doctor smiled back, for once in so long. A genuine smile, one that didn't involve him internally shaking each time. 

"Yeah! Dr. Doctor and Nurse Clara Oswald!" The Doctor proclaimed, loud enough for anyone in the vicinity to hear and Clara giggled. The Doctor felt his cheeks turn red when Clara put her hand over his. He had never really encountered a female, in all honesty, besides his mother and Tara. Clara was a breath of fresh air. Someone different. 

"We'll save the world, one patient at a time." Clara added on. A scoff came from behind them and the two turned around. Ten was leaning against the swing's supports, a ragged book in his left hand. He was watching the Doctor and Clara with a mixed expression, between jealousy and softness.

"Tell me why you're talking about this again, Doctor?" Ten asked, then looked towards Clara, "I'm guessing you're suddenly my brother's friend?"

"Yup! I'm Clara! Clara Oswald!" Clara introduced, extending her small hand to him. Ten's gaze softened and he shook it with the hand that wasn't occupied. The Doctor watched the exchange curiously. Ten was very, very, cautious of people. What made Clara different? Did he see the same thing the Doctor saw?

"Ten."

"The number?" Clara looked between the two of them, "Are you two brothers?"

"What gave it away?" Ten asked, his tone with clear amusement.

"You both have weird names, but I think they're really cool too." Clara responded, "Will you guys come again tomorrow?"

"Maybe. Depends on what Tara thinks." Ten murmured.

"Tara?" Clara asked.

"Our godmother." The Doctor supplied helpfully.

"Well, I hope she says yes." Clara said, "My mummy and daddy want me to make friends." Ten scowled for a moment, then went back to his placid expression. The Doctor hoped his own expression looked calm at the mention of a mummy and daddy.

"Am I your friend?" The Doctor asked curiously. Clara giggled.

"Yeah. You too, Ten, if you'd like." She said, addressing the older boy. 

"I wouldn't mind that." Ten responded, then looked up. "Are they your parents?" Clara and the Doctor both looked at the direction Ten was looking at. A man and a woman were talking on a bench, as the woman pointed at a paper that was in her hand. The man squeezed the woman's hand reassuringly. Neither of them shredded a single tear, but they looked as though they wanted to.

"Mmhmm." Clara answered.

"I bet they're better than our parents." Ten grumbled. The Doctor whipped his head back to Ten, giving him the best glare a six year old could. Ten was unfazed by this and instead scoffed. "Really, they look like the type to stay together. Look, they're coming this way, _together_." The couple was in front of the swing set, smiling softly at their little ball of sunshine.

"Clara, sweetheart, did you make friends?" The woman asked, pocketing the paper she had been holding. The couple was giving the sweetest expression they could offer, but the Doctor noted that they both looked sad, despite their attempts to lie about their current emotion. Without a word, the Doctor stood up from the swing and tugged onto the woman's dress and the man's trousers. Both squatted down to his level, slightly confused at why he was asking for their attention.

"Can I help you, son?" The man asked. The Doctor didn't say anything, but instead took his small hands and cupped them around the man and woman's cheeks. Ten stood straighter, lips parted slightly and Clara watched with curiosity shimmering in her eyes.

"You guys are sad." The Doctor murmured, and the couple's eyes widened. "I'm really sorry about what made you sad. But things get better! They really do! It takes time. You guys are strong. I think it will go okay, what you are dealing with, I promise. Cross my hearts." The woman's eyes glimmered in an emotion that seemed to be a mixture of adoration and interest while the man watched the Doctor with a mixture between confusion and amazement as his facial expression.

"That's what he does," Ten said, to Clara. Clara looked over to Ten. "It's like he can sense your emotional problems and fix them, or at least, attempt to do so. That's why he called himself the Doctor. A doctor of people with more than one heart, as one heart apparently cannot 'hold all the love he has for people.'" Ten's tone did not sound mocking, he sounded more like he was proud of his little brother. Clara looked back at the Doctor, who was still holding her parents.

"A doctor of people." Clara echoed, looking back to the Doctor with a smile, "I like that."


	2. Christmas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is a little short and quick and honestly rushed as all hell
> 
> it's also not as good as the first one but i have a way better plot along the way i promise, maybe? who knows?
> 
> i have a weird process in which i think about the ending rather than the beginning and middle so often my books lack in that nature, so im sorry
> 
> i made Tara a little evil but she really means good i swear even though you'll probably dislike her anyway

_Chapter 2: Christmas_

_arguments_ _,a  scrapbook, her laughter_

* * *

 

"YOU DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT, TEN!" 

"YES, I DO! YOU'RE _NOT_ MY MOM! YOU CAN'T DO THAT GESTURE TO ME. YOU DON'T DESERVE IT TARA!" Ten screamed back. The two were yelling in the dark blue room both the Doctor and Ten shared in the two story household, throwing insult after insult. One would believe Christmas was a time of cheer, of happiness, and whatnot. However, it was always a hellhole, especially for the Doctor.

He was sitting at the dinner table, watching the food grew cold and the Christmas spirit die down with every second that passed. He listened to the loud argument continue to increase in momentum. The Doctor was used to it, as it happened every year. He would be the luckiest boy alive if Ten _didn't_ explode. Ten was going through puberty, after all, but after awhile, it got irritating. Christmas was always the time of raging anger and things getting thrown in the house. Ten would get stirred over something Tara did during Christmas, even if their dinner was going along just fine. Tara might have done something similar to their parents that Ten remembered, which would result in a quip from Ten, in which Tara would throw a large fit back at him over his behavior. It was just a bunch of yelling that would end up in the two hardly talking to each other. 

Every year, it's the same thing. The Doctor fiddled with his thumbs, closing his eyes and tried to focus on something else. It bothered him that he could never fix Ten and Tara's relationship, despite being a Doctor of people. They just refused help. Tara said Ten didn't want to move on. Ten said she was a hag that needed to mind her own business and stop trying to be their mom when she really wasn't.

Now, the Doctor didn't like Tara either. She was stuffy, slightly irritating, and cared so much about their education it was sickening. But she gave him a home and was the only mother he knew, in all honesty. Ten, of course, did not feel that way. He still clung onto their parents. 

"I DON'T NEED YOU! I'VE NEVER NEEDED YOU!"

"IF YOU NEVER CALLED ME, WHERE WOULD YOU BE? WHERE WOULD THE DOCTOR BE? YOU NEED ME TEN, ADMIT IT!" Tara screamed back. The Doctor heard a palm connecting to cheek and he winced. He could hear Ten's staggered footsteps above him, Ten probably reaching for the bedpost of their shared bedroom. It was hardly the first time Ten would be struck by Tara. Ten would never hit her, but his words were enough to injure her mentally. He did have a way with words, that Ten. 

The Doctor was shaking at this point. It was terrifying to be under the same roof as the reactive duo. He got up from his seat and before he knew it, he was out the door. The cold wind hit his face and he felt immediately at peace, his breath leveling. The yelling was left in the house. Not out here. He rubbed his arms, fighting the cold as his legs took him away from Tara's home. He walked down the path he knew all too well, his legs stopping at Clara Oswald's house. Of course. Who else would he go to? His hand hit the doorbell and the door opened to Ellie Oswald, wearing quite the amusing sweater of Santa and his reindeer, saying some sort of joke.

"Doctor," she said, slightly surprised, "What are you doing here?" She looked at his expression then ushered him in without another word. The warmth and smell of a souffle was radiant throughout the one story beige house. The walls were a warm red, unlike the minimalist gray that Tara preferred. It felt so cozy, so...loving, the things missing in his own household.

"Mum! Who is it?" Clara called from the living room. The Doctor's eyes lit up at the sound of Clara's voice. Ellie's eyes held a knowing expression as she wiped the tears the Doctor didn't even feel from his cheeks. The Doctor looked to Ellie, who gave him an affirming nod. He raced to the living room. Clara was standing in her long sleeved crimson dress, with leggings and all, laughing. Her father, Dave, probably told another dad joke to her. He stopped in his tracks, listening to her beautiful laughter come from her cherry red lips. He just wanted to capture that moment and hang it up on a wall. 

He was snapped out of his stupor, feeling Ellie's hands on his shoulders. He looked up and they shared a glance, which felt as though it had more weight, like they both had an equal amount of affection for this single girl. It was as if they both agreed to something at this sight that felt so _right_.

"Clara, you have a visitor." Ellie said to her daughter, who looked over. Clara’s eyes shined on him with her smile still on her face. The pinnacle of perfection.

"Doctor! I didn't know you were coming." Clara ran over to him and they shared an embrace, as usual. The Doctor inhaled deeply. She smelled like cinnamon, with a dash of vanilla in there somewhere. It was a scent he was willing to welcome. He looked up to see Ellie and Dave sitting together, Ellie with a smile and Dave looking back at the lad with nostalgia in his eyes.

“I came just in time,” he grinned. They let go and Clara rushed to the large tree to take out a box, gift wrapped with a bow to top it off. They shared gifts once break usually ended, as Clara's family usually spent Christmas away in Blackpool. This time, he had the pleasure of receiving it now.

”Since you’re already here, Merry Christmas, Doctor.” She held out the box and the Doctor took it with hesitant hands. She giggled. “Come on, open it.”

”But my gift for you is at my house...” He murmured, looking down at the box. He felt guilty. Clara shook her head.

”It’s fine,” Clara responded, “Just open it.” Oh Clara. Always so nice, so humble, so sweet, so...perfect. 

His hands tore the paper slowly, cherishing the moment. The Doctor glanced up at Clara, who watched him in anticipation. Once he tore thee gift wrap off, he pried open the lid to find a scrapbook, embroidered with the words, 'The Doctor and Clara.' His small hand went over the words, then he opened the book. The very first image was of Clara and the Doctor at the swings, where they had first met five years ago. The picture was old, however, probably four years old. Her mother most likely had taken the picture while they weren't looking. 

The following section showed them receiving awards during their years in primary, all the way up to now. The following pages after their current year were blank and one entire page was dedicated to when they both graduate what he guessed was secondary school. 

The next page showed when they were trick-o-treating. Clara was a female Robin Hood and the Doctor was...well, a doctor. They had a buckets of candy, with Ten beside them, smirking at their costumes. Ten was dressed as Tuxedo Mask, while Rose, his best friend, was dressed as Sailor Moon. Ten originally despised anime, but Rose was having a phase and he was willing to accommodate. 

He turned the page. That was when Clara first taught the Doctor how to make a souffle. They were covered head to toe with flour, but they were still smiling so brightly as they held a ramekin with a slightly burnt vanilla souffle. There were many more memories that Clara probably worked on but he closed the book and looked up again. 

"I just thought you'd like something so we could look back on our adventures later." Clara said, fidgeting with her fingers. "Doctor John Smith and Nurse Clara Oswald." She said meekly.

"Doctor John Smith and Nurse Clara Oswald." He nodded in agreement. He put the box to the side hugged her tightly, "Clara Oswald, you're amazing." Clara's mouth opened to say something when the doorbell rang. Ellie stood to get the door, but Clara and the Doctor did not leave each other's embrace, despite having a good idea of who was at the door. The sound of long strides that caused the floorboards to creak already made it clear who it was. But the Doctor didn't want it to end.

"John Smith the Eleventh, you do not leave without my consent!" The Doctor quickly let go of Clara and protectively kept her behind him. Tara was a raging fury, that was for sure. Her cheeks were flushed, hands clenched into fists, and eyes examining his state to make sure he was not harmed on his trek to Clara's home. "You are supposed to stay at the dinner table, regardless of what your brother starts! You are coming home with me, right now." The Doctor stayed silent, eyes downcast at his shoes. He didn't want to get mad. That just wasn't his style. "And what do you have to say for yourself?" Tara prompted. It was such a change, he guessed, for Tara to not get any backtalk this time. In reality, he had a LOT to say.

He wanted to say that he never wanted to come back to that household. He wanted to say that he felt safe with Clara and Clara only. He wanted to say the explosive arguments between Ten and Tara terrified him. He wanted to say that Tara made his life miserable and he would rather be in an orphanage. He wanted to say that Ellie was a better mother than Tara could ever be. He wanted to say so much, but he _didn't_. He remained silent. The Doctor didn't want to fight; he wasn't as destructive as Ten. 

"Let him stay for Christmas." Ellie's soft voice rang through and the Doctor looked up, as well as the other occupants of the household. Ellie was clearly holding back on any other words she could possibly say to hurt Tara, but instead remained the embodiment of composure. It was such a good quality Ellie had that Clara possessed too, although at times, she would let her anger and ego get the best of her. Tara blinked at Ellie, suddenly remembering that she was not in her own household. 

"Elena-," Tara tried to interject, calling Ellie by her true name. Tara always, despite Ellie's constant reminders, never called her Ellie; it was always Elena to her.

"At least for today," Ellie responded, completely ignoring the use of her proper name, "We'll bring him back to your house tomorrow. Let the boy have a decent Christmas, for once." That was a insult on its own, but it wasn't wrong. Since when did he _ever_ have a good Christmas? Tara looked over to the Doctor. Her eyes still burned hard, but her body was relaxed. The Doctor expected her to yell at him again and drag him by the ear, with a possible grounding. But she didn't.

"We'll talk about this tomorrow." Tara muttered, walking past Ellie and headed for the door, "Have a merry Christmas." She slammed the door shut behind her, ending her stay with a sour note.


	3. Declining

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ah, again, i suck at writing- my god. it feels really rushed, i know..  
> the next chapter will be really long, i promise.

_Chapter 3: Declining_

_conditions, boarding school, and away_

* * *

The Doctor, despite calling himself the Doctor, couldn't fix _this_. 

He wished the misery that Clara was feeling could be given to him, but that wasn't how the universe operated. All those nights, staying awake and texting Clara on AOL Instant Messenger (AIM) to let her vent off about her mother's declining health, they all burned deep inside of him. She would explain the long nights in the hospital and all the visits for chemotherapy. She explained how that piece of paper that her mum held nine years ago held information in regards to her mother's long family line of diseases and cancers, in which she had a high risk of having one of them passed down onto her. Ellie, unfortunately, was a sad recipient of pancreatic cancer, in which the symptoms were brought to light when Clara turned fifteen.

The Doctor did what he could to facilitate Clara’s ever growing sadness, watching her turn into a shell of her former self. She held a bit of a spark whenever the two were together, but for the most part, she was unresponsive. She’d go about her daily life, and since they were on break from school for another week, it wasn't a lot. She'd wake up, get dressed, eat a bit, take care of her mum, then go to sleep. It was mundane, but she lived through it. He was willing to do whatever he could to help, but it was already out of his hands. He couldn't stop cancer or death with some words. No condolences would help Clara or her father, who had also been taking it hard. Dave had been trying to be a supportive figure in Clara's time of protecting Ellie, but he himself was getting ruined, bit by bit. It wasn't healthy. The Doctor focused all his energy on Clara, but he had his own stuff as well. He turned sixteen not too long ago. Clara, in a month, was about to turn sixteen as well.

With each year the Doctor aged, Tara continuously tries to force the young Doctor into boarding school. She had originally accepted his declines, but she only came back with more proposals to come. It started to become irritating, but the Doctor could never escape her forcefulness for so long.

”I can’t.” The Doctor said as Tara presented to him a brochure to a boarding school, Wycliffe. “Rather, I won’t.”

“You never listen to me at all, but now you have to. You are going whether you like it or not.” Tara urged as Ten walked through the door. Glad that he showed up, Tara addressed him, “Ten, tell your brother about boarding school.”

Ten, who had just come for a light snack, sighed. He was already done with his one year of boarding school and in all honesty, he disliked it greatly. He didn’t get to see Rose at all, as Tara wasn’t very into either of the boys seeing anyone. She didn’t give Rose rights to speak to Ten during his one year stay, which he was sure he’d do the same for Clara. Tara was focused more towards education rather than petty emotions, as she’s called it. Tara, especially, had taken a great hatred towards Clara, which Ten didn’t understand as to why, since Clara was such a nice person. 

But, in terms of academics, boarding school wasn’t that bad. Ten knew that was what Tara was looking for, so he said what he had to say. 

”Boarding school is alright. You meet lovely people there and have a good time. It’s an introduction to college, in a sense.” Ten said, shrugging. “It’s a good experience.” The Doctor looked between his older brother and Tara, who looked sheepish, for once.

”Try it for a year. If you don’t like it, you can always come back.” Tara urged.

”I...” The Doctor hesitated, maybe it would be a good idea to at least try. Then he could get Tara off his back. “Sure, but first I'll ask Clara-,” 

“Great! I knew you’d say yes. Your flight is in about two hours .I've already set everything up for you.” Tara said, pushing him up the stairs. The Doctor’s legs ended up moving, regardless of his protests.

”Wait! At least let me tell Clara-,” He tried to interject.

”I’ll tell her for you. Go pack some of your belongings that you want to bring. I already packed some clothes.” Tara pointed towards a dark blue luggage bag, then closed the door behind her. She walked back downstairs to be met with Ten’s disapproving look.

”You’re absolutely mad, Tara.” Ten muttered, leaning against the wall. Tara crossed her arms. 

“It’s the only way I can get that Clara off his mind.” Tara muttered, "Besides, he'll enjoy it. I picked a boarding school with things he'll like. Doesn't he actually want to be a therapist or doctor? He'll be exposed to it. Better than being exposed with that girl."

”What’s your problem with her anyway?” Ten asked, looking at her quizzically. He already accepted that Clara was his little brother’s everything, and would probably be his girlfriend already if the Doctor had the guts to. Tara didn’t answer his question and instead left Ten to his own devices. Ten pursed his lips and shoved his hands in his pockets, walking to the living room with imaginary conversations in his mind of how he was going to tell Clara.

* * *

It was ten o’clock when Clara had time to properly sit down at her desk and open up her desktop. She had a particularly rough argument with her father over her disinterest in college. She didn't want to leave her mum, what part of that didn't he understand? Besides, college was so far off. Those arguments have been happening for a while, ever since Ellie was diagnosed. She just wanted comfort, so she quickly opened up AIM. The Doctor and Ten were sure to be online at this time, as they always were disobeying Tara and her curfew rules. She found her chat with the Doctor and typed in,

’ _Hello? Are you there?’_

* * *

The sound of a new message had brought Ten back from his book,  _Animal Farm_ by George Orwell. He was just getting to the interesting part too, but it could wait. It might be Rose, after all. He put the book down and walked over to the desk he and the Doctor often shared, along with a desktop that took a lot of persuading to get. Ten moved the mouse slightly. AIM was already open, with the Doctor's chat with Clara already open. The Doctor was in the process of writing an extremely long message to Clara, which read:

_'Clara, I'm extremely sorry I can't tell you this in person but Tara is making me go to boarding school. I wanted to run off and just not go at all, but Tara has a vice grip on me and knows, somehow, where I always am, as you know. I'm really, really, really sorry and I really wanted to go to school with you but I'm sure someone will give you my contact information okay? I'll be thinking of you during my year. It's only one! I'm going to miss you so much and I lo'_

Ten sighed at his brother's rambling, even through text when he could have clearly gotten the three words he should have said. Tara wasn't going to give Clara his information, Ten knew that for damn sure. Though, Clara's message was what brought him back to what he came over for. He erased the message the Doctor had made and instead sent,

_'The Doctor isn't here anymore, I'm sorry.'_

In less than half a minute, a response appeared. _She must be desperate_ , Ten guessed.

_'Huh? What do you mean? Ten, is that you?'_

Ten typed back,

_'Yeah. It's me. Tara made the Doctor go to boarding school. I'm really sorry. I'm sure he wanted to say goodbye or at least tell you, but Tara took him out before he had a chance. I'm pretty sure he's going to Wycliffe. The place I went last year to try out.'_

Ten ran a hand through his hair. He shouldn't be the one to do this. It should have been the Doctor.

_'Wycliffe? But that's so far! Is he already gone?'_

_'Yeah. He's gone,'_ Ten typed, _'He went on the flight an hour ago. I'm really sorry. Did you still need something?'_

* * *

 Clara bit her lip, tears were already forming in her eyes. Things were already turning for the worse and now the Doctor was gone? For an entire year? With probably no contact? This had to be some cruel jest of the universe to do this to her. She couldn't do this alone. Sure, she had her father, but he was already digging himself into a pit. He might as well be sick with Ellie. She had Rose too, but Rose didn't know the full spectrum, only bits of what Ten probably tells her, which was very little. She had Ten too, but Ten wasn't very helpful either and she always felt uncomfortable whenever speaking about parents to him. He never really liked motherly or fatherly figures, besides Rose's mum. Clara only trusted the Doctor well to expose herself to him, showing off her inner fears and demons.

_'It's alright. Thanks for telling me, Ten.'_ She typed out, then turned off her desktop. Her legs made their way to her bed and she fell into it, her entire body reaching the weight of lead as she sunk into the sheets. Her eyes would not stop their flow of tears and her body just _wouldn't stop shaking_. 

 


	4. Mistake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> River is a part of this, yes, but she's not the villain. I've seen a lot of stories with River as the villain and I just want them all to be friends, you know?

_Chapter 4: Mistakes_

_mixed signals, off the deep end, and terrible decisions_

* * *

Let it burn, let it burn.

Let her memories burn. Let her heart burn. Let her life burn. Let everything burn. Proper thought and truth in the back seats of her car of regret. Horrible decisions and impulse in the driver's sea. 

Clara felt dizzy, mind struggling to compute the situation she was in. She could hear voices, those she recognized. What time was it? Midnight? No, that's when she left the household. She got drunk, right, right. Maybe it was two o'clock. Why was Ten and Rose there? She could recognize those voices anywhere. 

They weren't with her originally. She felt the flames and the strong pair of hands reaching and attempting to pulling her out, which only led to a strong sharp pain to come from her sides. She cried out, as much as her vocal cords could and the tugging stopped, probably in fear of hurting her more. It was getting harder and harder to breathe due to all the smoke. Were her fake friends still alive? Was _she_ even alive? 

Right. Her boyfriend, one of many, Jake Latimer, a guy about four years her senior, had told her to come for a night of fun. It went to drug and drinking abuse, which then led to driving. Something about headin to Jake’s for more drugs, alcohol, and sex. It was a mess. Clara only drank, as she would never get into drugs. She promised herself that, at least. But she still got hurt. 

"Ten, stop it! You're going to hurt her!" Rose, she guessed, cried out to Ten. How did they get here so quickly? She didn't even call them. Did they see her walk out of the house so late? "Yes, I'm still here. We're between there, yes. When did they crash? Just a moment ago. I'm only aware of one being alive. I'm not sure about the others. Oh, please come quickly. I think she's losing blood."

He was pulling again. This time, it didn't hurt as much. Maybe it was because her world was falling apart more and more, so much so that pain didn't seem to register anymore.

She couldn't feel the heat from the flames. She could just vaguely hear the sirens before it all faded away.

* * *

One hundred and seventy-five miles south was where the Doctor resided, sitting on the couch, arms wrapped around his girlfriend loosely. Well, not really a girlfriend. He didn't feel that way about her, really. She was more of his confidant and helper...when he was confused. Whether it regarded schoolwork or more friskier reasons. He wasn't proud of it, but the withdrawal of Clara was a lot for him to deal with.

The Doctor scored high on his admittance tests without even trying, landing him as a year thirteen instantly, despite being just sixteen, just barely moving up to seventeen in a little bit. There, he met his closest friends, Amy Pond and Rory Williams, who then, led him to River Song. They dated immediately, though it was more for benefit rather than true love. They each had something they wanted. 

He had to admit, originally, a small flutter in his chest came when he became River's 'boyfriend,' or he should say, friends with benefits. But that flutter was nothing compared to what he felt with Clara every day he spent with her back home. River was like a replacement to what he left back home. 

Looking down at the woman in his arms, his mind ended up making comparisons between the two women who shared a piece of his heart, with different reasons. River's eyes were a strange mixture of blue, gray, and green, while Clara's were a chocolate fondue type of colour. River had frizzy space hair while Clara had long brown locks. River smelled like coffee and the faint smell of the earth. Clara smelled like vanilla with a hint of cinnamon. River must have had puberty hit her like a truck. As for Clara? The Doctor didn’t know. She might have. Wasn’t she sixteen now? What he wouldn't do to see her yet again. But he later learned he wasn’t allowed to speak to anyone back home, unless it was Tara. He couldn’t even speak to Ten. He supposed Tara was afraid Ten would tell Clara, maybe.

"Let me guess, you don’t want to be here.” River’s voice brought the Doctor away from his thought train. The Doctor felt his cheeks burn and he looked down to her. River always seemed to know what was wrong. It was frightening. 

“No, no! Of course not!” The Doctor said, shaking his head. River only chuckled knowingly. 

”Sweetie, I know you use me as a way to release your sexual inhibitions. Nothing bad about that, every man needs his release. You always have that look in your eye like there’s someone on your mind, especially after we shag. That someone definitely isn’t me.” River said smoothly, “You’re a fine young man, you wouldn’t stoop this low for us to be friends with benefits. Who’s on your mind?” River always talked like she was way older, when in reality, she was a year or two older compared to the Doctor. That was one of the reasons why the Doctor felt originally attracted to her. She could read him like a book, so much so like Clara.

”Well...” The Doctor reached for the remote and stopped the movie from continuing on. “Her name is Clara.”

”Do tell.” River said, clearly interested.

”I haven't seen her all year." The Doctor said, "Shes my best friend, ever since my parents ran off and left me and my brother with my cruel godmother Tara. Tara is the reason as to why I'm here today. I love this school, really, I do. I met Amy, Rory, Craig, Sophie, and you too. But I miss Clara. I miss her souffles, her laughter, her...everything.”

"Did it ever occur to you to tell her this?" River asked, calmly. It was strange to hear, as any normal person wouldn't encourage this feeling, but then again, River wasn't particularly normal.

"Yes and no.” The Doctor admitted quietly, “I tried to promise her I’d see her again soon. Tara pried me away from the computer. I don’t know if my brother sent it. I left Clara in such a tight spot. Her mother was dying and her father wasn’t being the greatest dad ever, as he himself was dealing with the stress. I was all she had and I left."

“That’s rough.” River commented, rubbing her hands gently with his. "Clara will understand. If she knows just how much of a bitch Tara is, she would know this wasn't your doing. The school year is almost over. You'll be able to see her again."

"I hope so." The Doctor murmured, putting the movie back on. River looked back to the screen, but the Doctor? His eyes were glued to the picture album to the side, labeling all of his adventures with Clara before he left. 

* * *

When John Smith the Tenth, adorably nicknamed Ten, exploded, it was like a _supernova_. His anger would reach out and burn everything to ashes, regardless of anything. Rose knew Ten was the one of the sweetest men alive, always taking care of her whenever she needed it, as well as take care of his younger brother's girlfriend. Yet, when he exploded, it was hell fire. She knew, as they sat, huddled in the police car, following the ambulance to the hospital, he was absolutely fuming, but wouldn't explode. Not in front of a police officer, that was for damn sure. He continued to clench and unclench his fist during the ride, the officers asking simple questions Ten and Rose knew the answers to.

Rose was slightly worried as the night progressed. Ten had called both Tara and Dave, but the way he called them were two different ways. For Dave, he was kind and sympathetic. For Tara, he was cold and irritated. Rose rubbed his hands with hers, giving him a look. Ten softened at this.

"I"m just so frustrated." Ten murmured, “Clara was the greatest thing to ever happen to my little brother. Just like you were, for me. She needs him.” The sound of heels clacking onto the tile caused Ten to look up. Rose didn’t need to turn to see who it was, because the first thing he did was stand abruptly and meet the visitor halfway. 

“Ten, thank goodness you found her-,”

“Don’t even try that with me, Tara. You know this is your fucking fault!” Rose stood, reaching for Ten. He was fuming. Tara stood her ground, eyeing the two up. Even now, Tara held some sort of dislike for Rose.

“She brought it onto herself, Ten. You know that.” Her voice did not waver, holding such disdain. Ten looked as though he was ready to punch her, but Rose held him back. He didn’t want her to see him furious and to turn to violence. 

“No, she didn’t. You took her only happiness away! You knew she was having a hard time with her mum's diagnosis and eventual death! You knew she was going to go on a bad road the minute she found out he left!” Ten pointed an accusatory finger towards Tara, who didn’t even flinch. “You are going to give me his number to the school and you are going to let me call him. He needs to know what you’ve been doing.”

The boldness of her answer surprised both of them, “No.” It was enough to tip Ten over the edge. 

”That’s bloody ridiculous! You don’t get it anymore, do you?!” His face was turning red now, “Do you Tara? This isn’t about education. This isn’t about some petty love anymore, it’s so much more than that. This is about a life, who _needs_ the Doctor. She needed him and still needs him now. Without him, her death is on your conscience. Not to mention what you’ll be doing to Uncle Dave! Are you just going to let him lose both of the people he cared about, just in a year’s difference?"

He bristled slightly, taking in deep breaths. He controlled his voice a bit, but it still held a lot of restrained anger, "You don’t even know what happens, do you? You don’t know how many times Rose and I have had to save her from herself and her reckless group! You don’t know how much worrying Uncle Dave goes through and how much drinking he does too! You’re too caught up with the idea with what you’ve done, how it’s going to help both the Doctor and Clara, but you’re wrong! It’s been killing one and leaving the other in the dark! Get off your fucking high horse and fix this!"

“Ten, that’s enough.” Rose said, rubbing circles on his back. 

"Honestly, I don't think I can come off this energy right now, Rose. You know Clara doesn't deserve this." He addressed his girlfriend, who nodded sadly. It was the reality of it all. Clara was destroying herself. He then turned to Tara, "Right now, Tara. Give me the number. Christ, if you don't, I honestly don't think you're human anymore." Tara dug through her purse, pulling out a piece of paper and throwing it in Ten's direction. Rose caught it for him. It had a number scrawled on it. Tara did not even say a word, walking away from the scene, her heels clicking annoyingly on the tile.


	5. Safety

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> short chapter update, super sorry! I had planned for it to be longer. hopefully the next one will be.

_Chapter 5: Safety_

_a call, worries, and fear_

* * *

Dave Oswald thought he was immune to pain the minute his wife died, as she let go of the grip she had on life after death had forced it to loosen. He wasn’t prepared to see his only daughter, in a hospital bed, with a long list of issues he was aware of, yet never had the courage to speak of. She had a severely abused liver and the car crash was just icing on the cake.

He held onto his daughter’s hand, rubbing small semi-circles on the soft, olive skin. Looking at her face made him realize how much he never really looked at her, not as much as he used to. The signs of unpleasant sadness She hardly cracked a smile nowadays and it was all his fault. He didn’t try hard enough to keep her okay. He didn’t try hard enough to keep her from making all the bad choices he knew she was going through. He had no control. Ellie always did; she always knew what to say. Dave didn’t and the consequences were hitting, hard. 

Ten sat near the other side, having a quiet conversation on the phone. Rose filled Dave in, explaining the short argument with Tara and how Ten forced her for the Doctor’s number. Oh, the Doctor. He was so much better at being a caring figure than he was. Dave loved the boy, even as much for him to be his son-in-law. The Doctor was Clara’s everything. 

Ellie’s sickness had paved the road, but the Doctor leaving was a hard shove to start walking down it. Ellie’s death only made her run, rather than walk on the road of self-destruction. 

A curse from Ten brought Dave back to the present. His brow was furrowed as he spoke into the telephone.

“What do you mean? I’m his brother! John Smith the tenth. He’ll know me as Ten.” He tapped his foot impatiently, but his eyes lit up when he was finally connected with his young brother. 

* * *

 For once, he was finally given a phone call that didn’t involve Tara, his marks in his classes, or what friends he was making at the school. He immediately allowed the call to go through, the second he was told it was from his brother.

”Ten? How did you get this number? I thought only Tara had access to it.” He asked his older brother, a delicate eyebrow raising. River was still on the couch, as they decided to watch the recent season of Game of Thrones. He placed the phone on speaker as he made tea.

”Doctor, you haven’t heard anything from Tara, have you?” Ten sounded tense. That was one red flag. 

“Besides the constant berating about my marks and whatnot? No, not really.” He places the cups on a tray, bringing the wireless phone with him. “Why? Did something happen?”

”It’s Clara.” At the mention of her name, he almost lost his footing and dropped the tray. He managed to get to the couch, where River raised an eyebrow. Another red flag. The mention of Clara. He placed the tray down shakily, holding onto the phone as though it was his lifeline. “She’s been admitted to Saint Bernard’s.”

”Wait, wait, what?! How? What happened?” The sigh of exasperation came from the other end.

”Her mum died, Doctor, last year, right when you left.” All the colour drained from his face, “Clara spiraled down to hell. She...she basically was killing herself, slowly. The excessive drinking, the bad crowds...Christ, Doctor, you have no idea how bad it got...What has Tara been telling you?” 

“That nothing has been wrong,” The Doctor grit his teeth, “and everything is peachy keen.”

”I suspected as much.” Ten said grimly, “You need to come back. She’s- Clara?” The rustling of sheets came to the background and the machines began to beep. “Christ.” He could hear the calls for a nurse coming to the background, from both Rose and Dave. “Doctor, you need to come. Please.” The pleading tone of his voice was red flag number two. He ran a hand through his floppy brown hair, the thought of Clara in a hospital bed was jarring. 

“You should go to her. Talk to the Dean and get her back.” River said, “We don’t have class until next week, but it doesn’t really matter. You are ahead, after all.”

He smiled, despite it all. He was glad to have River by his side. God only knows what hell he’d deliver if he was by himself.

* * *

 ”It was only a short scare. She’s stable now.” Ten nodded to the doctor. Not Clara’s Doctor, but a doctor with a medical degree. He could see his brother become one, probably in pediatrics. He wouldn’t be surprised. Dave thanked the doctor and they were once again, left alone. Rose had already gone off, in order to avoid Jackie Tyler’s wrath. Ten had stayed, making sure his uncle-in-law-without-the-label was stable himself. Ten wasn’t a rocket scientist, but he had an idea of what Dave was feeling.

”How long will it take the Doctor to come back?” Dave asked Ten, who was typing away an address and demands for his brother to come. He glanced up from his phone.

”Several hours. Maybe later in the afternoon. It's...two am now. Dave, I think you need to rest, though. I don't mean to be rude though, but...yeah. I want you to be safe."

"I..." Dave wanted to protest, cry out in frustration, to say to the man that he just couldn't; he wanted his daughter near him and for her to be okay. He merely nodded instead and Ten smiled softly. "I'll take you home, yeah?" Dave followed the young man, hesitantly leaving his young daughter in the hands of the nurses. He felt queasy, uncomfortable, and scared shitless, but there wasn't much he could do. 

He just hoped that her dear Doctor could come.


	6. Promise

_Chapter 6: Promise_

_a hospital bed, tears, and a single promise_

* * *

She didn’t feel anything.

 _Couldn't_ feel anything would probably be the best term. She was so doped up on morphine that everything felt like a haze, but she was able minded enough to feel the regret. She never should have banded with her boyfriend/friend-with-benefits and his friends, especially since she knew, even if she didn't want to admit it, what it could cause. Even though her eyes had opened ages ago, she just stared into her concerned father’s face, listening to him speak. She knew she should say sorry for making him worry, but she just didn't want to say a word. Wouldn't make much of a difference, anyway, as the damage was already done. She thought of the hospital bill, the new medication she'd probably be placed on by her psychiatrist, and everything else. Her father would be on such financial stress, topping off his already fragile heart and health.

”Oh Clara, Clara... I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry I’ve been such a rubbish father.” She smiled weakly. He had nothing to apologize for. She was the mess. She was the broken one. He was dealing with Ellie's death in stride, even if he was broken inside. “I know I won’t be able to help you. But I got _the Doctor._ He’s coming. Ten called him.” Her eyes widened slightly, giving the desired effect that Dave was looking for. "Last I heard from Ten, he was picking him up." She still chose not to say anything, as the thought of him, coming back to her, shocked her. He was coming back. He, her floppy haired man with a big chin, his smile stretching from one ear to the other whenever they talked and studied together. The one she fell for. Her best friend and carer, the one who had helped during the worst times of her mother's sickness. 

And he was coming, here, as they spoke.

Dave noticed how he had lost the girl with the mere mention of her Doctor and sighed, then glanced at his phone where he had a missed call. "I'll be right back." Dave stood and walked out the door, seeing the Doctor and Ten at the end of the hallway, approaching over to the room. Dave noticed just how much the boy grown in the span of the year. His hair had grown a substantial amount since the last time he had seen him, along with his ears becoming less pronounced as they used to be. Still had the major chin, the bow-tie, and the eyes that knew all too much. 

"Dave, I am so, so, sorry." The Doctor immediately apologized. Although Dave had the desire to punch the young man, he could never blame him. He could blame Tara, but never the Doctor, who only desired to look after his darling daughter.

"You have nothing to be sorry for," Dave said, smiling weakly. "She needs you." A curt nod to Dave and the Doctor strode over the hospital room, but stopping right in front of the door.

"Why are you hesitating?" Ten asked as Dave walked on. 

"I'm terrified, Ten. I haven't seen her in a year. What if she starts chucking things at me? What if she-,"

"Doc, stop it."

"I know, I know." The Doctor ran a hand through his unkempt hair, to which he didn't really brush while in his rush to come back to Clara. His hand rested on the door knob, but didn't turn. Ten nudged him and he sighed. It was Clara Oswald. It couldn't be that bad. He opened the door hesitantly and walked forward. He didn't have the heart to look up, as he closed the door, nor the heart to turn around and face her. He could feel Clara's eyes on him, but she didn't say a single word. 

A beat passed.

The Doctor remained facing the door, while Clara stared at him from behind. He adjusted his bow-tie self-consciously, the tension in the room a little much for the young Doctor.

Neither had no idea what to say. 

Instead, a choked sob escaped Clara and the Doctor had no choice but to turn and look at his dear friend.

To him, Clara had changed. Her hair was a tad bit longer, her face a little chubbier, but her frame was still as skinny as it was last year. Her eyes too, held a sense of knowing, as if so many things had happened in the past year, which he wasn't wrong in assuming. She still had the same button nose as before, the most adorable one he had ever seen. He walked over to her hesitantly and took Dave's seat, pulling it close to the bed and taking hold of one of her hands. He even noticed the scars on her wrist- things that really shouldn't be there anymore.

"Why didn't you tell me?" She asked quietly, as tears streamed down her face. He opened his mouth, but nothing came out. He had so much to say, like, _'it wasn't my fault, Tara made me!'_ or perhaps, _'I wish I did.'_

He chose to go for, "What happened, Clara?"

"I asked you something first," she responded with instead. The Doctor sighed heavily. 

"I wanted to tell you. I really did. I was making a long message to you but then Tara dragged me away." He explained, rubbing his thumb on her palm. "Now, answer me." When she didn't say anything, he attempted to coax her, "Clara, please."

"I didn't do life right this year, Doctor." She whispered, sighing, "I fell off the edge and never tried to get back up."

'Why? Why didn't you? Clara, you're the strongest person I know-,"

"And that's the problem!" She cried, surprising the Doctor with her outburst, "I'm supposed to be the strongest person everyone knows. I'm supposed to be able to do all of this, but Doctor, it's so hard. I can't do it anymore."

"Yes, yes you can, Clara." He said, kissing her palms tenderly, "You can do this."

"How? Doctor, I've done everything I can to kill myself. I did different types of drugs, alcohol, sex, ran away, everything one could think of. I was a burden to my father to the point where he was losing sleep. Ten and Rose had to haul me back to the home. I know they were trying, but Doctor, I just wanted to die." The words spilling out of his Clara's mouth- they just don't sound right. They sounded alien, as though it never should come out of her mouth.

"Do you still want to die, Clara?" Her brown eyes peered up to his and he couldn't help but feel intimidated.

"I don't know anymore. I don't even know who I am. I don't know why I'm like this." She admitted softly. The Doctor smiled weakly to her, looking at his dear old impossible girl. The one that became his first friend and his companion, in a sense. His nurse, Clara Oswald. He desired to heal her, if it was the last thing he did.

"It's grief, Clara, plain old grief. It's okay to feel this way." Clara's tears only came down harder and the Doctor wiped her tears with a thumb. He remembered all the not-so-lonely nights with her in his arms, as they talked the night away to keep the thought of her mom dying...

"Doctor?"

"Clara?"

"Will you...help me?"

"If you promise me you'll work with me."

"Unconditionally, to no end."


End file.
